It’s hard being a entrepreneur. It’s harder being a solo-preneur. It’s even hardest (I think, at least) being a mom-preneur.
It has taken me a long time to realize and accept and then embrace the truth that first attending and now teaching yoga makes me a better person, mother, spouse, friend. When I first began taking yoga and began trying to commit to a once a week class, I struggled to go without feeling guilty. With the help of my very supportive spouse and kids, I realized that when I went, I felt so much better, and we all benefited. They WANTED me to go to yoga; I was easier to get along with and be around! 🙂
Then, when I decided to teach yoga after my teacher training, I had guilt around wanting to commit two nights a week to teach public classes. But, again, with gentle reminders from my family, I have come to realize that I feel great after yoga; I am energized; I am happy; I am back to center. They want to see me happy and healthy, just as I want to see them happy and healthy. AND I now get to help others feel the same way when they leave yoga. It’s a great opportunity, and I love doing it. Everyone deserves to feel better in life.
Now, I am coming to a new part, a new lesson. I love teaching yoga, but as a solo-preneur, if I am not feeling well or traveling, then my class doesn’t happen. I feel terrible guilt any time I have to cancel a class. Just as I felt guilty going to yoga at first, I feel guilty letting my yoga community down by not holding class. I try to rarely cancel class. I don’t want to be the reason someone disrupts their yoga routine because I know how important it is and how beneficial. As a business practice, I know it is not ideal to cancel classes, so there is guilt that I am failing as an entrepreneur any time I cannot be there.
SO – the medicine.
I am currently holding a meditation series this week, five days in a row, over lunch. I love when I can hold them because we really foster a community in such a short time together, and individuals can begin or re-ignite a meditation routine/ritual. As part of this series, I was working on writing a “Balance” themed meditation.
In it, I found myself writing about how balance is not about everything being given equal time or attention, but how at different times and on different days, certain things or tasks or people need more attention than others. Certain balls you are juggling at that time are more fragile, should not be dropped. Part of balance is knowing that you will be out of balance in certain ways at certain times and then in different ways at other times. It’s feeling centered and balanced in the midst of these decisions, that you know you are focused upon and doing what is most important at that time. I think we feel out of balance not when all areas of our life aren’t being given the same amount of time (equal time on the scale) but when we know we aren’t adjusting to give the most important elements adequate time that they need at that moment.
I realized, as I was writing, that I was struggling with wanting to extend a trip I am taking to visit more family and take my daughter to a swim meet later that same week, both of which would require me to cancel yoga. It would require me to cancel a second week of yoga classes after already having canceled one week for vacation. Guilt began to rise. Worry crept in. Would people be upset? Would a “good business person” do that? What if someone new showed up that week, and I wasn’t there to have class? ….
It was then that I realized my yoga community understands and supports my love for family and adventures just as my family understands and supports my love for yoga. This is what unbalanced balance is for me — being able to take an extra week in the summer to be with my favorite people and watch them shine and adventure with them, and my yoga community knowing (just as my family does when I leave them to yoga) that I will come back better for it.
I need it all in my life. (We all do!) And, at times or during certain weeks, I may spend more time at yoga than at swim meets with my daughter. However, other times and weeks, I will be at the ballpark watching my six-year-old play in the dirt while “playing” shortstop rather than on my mat.
Everything is not equal. We cannot be everywhere at once. We cannot do everything for everyone. We can only do what feels right at the time and keep those most fragile balls in the air.
And remember that everyone else is in the same boat, and we are all imperfectly trying our best. Show grace. Be nice. Tread lightly, and take care of each other.
Oh, and yoga! 🙂